so here i am in the middle of another week. stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. there is so much on my mind. i am bombarded with schoolwork. in my color theory class i have a painting due ( mind you i cannot paint at all ) in my art history class we have just started studying the classical greek period and i have my second test in two weeks. lastly and most important i have a monologue due in my introduction to performance class. and in the midst of all of this i still have to find the time to sleep and relax. welcome to the life of a contemporary college student.
as i sit here and type this entry i must admit that my mind wanders about lingeringly just long enough on each of my thoughts to remind me that life is more complicated than it should be.
i am plagued with worry for my future and what it holds. here i am at art school, acting of all things. i just worry sometimes that this choice i have made to devote my self to this art form might have been a poor one. yet every time that i read the lines of an audition piece or stand in awe alone under the lights of the stage everything else shrinks into mere nothingness. i love the theatre,
i am a worrier. so i have a bad habit of thinking to much about everything. i know that i am only nineteen years old and i have my whole life ahead of me (and maybe it has something to do with the fact that single awareness day is looming over my head) but i constantly think about the relationship status that i lack . i am not particularly upset that i am single i just wonder who she is, the one, and what she is doing right now. hopefully thats natural
life is good i know that. i just cant wait to get out of school and be on my own to live, to love, to travel. i want to see the world. adventure, new places, new faces. there is a whole world out there just waiting for me to experience it.
i guess that what i have to remind myself of is that there is no need to be concerned about things that i cannot control. live one day at a time. life will run its course, love will come, success will be mine for the taking. we have to remember to not focus on the negative aspects of our lives. . . trust me dont waste your time. get out there live, take risks. your gonna get hurt sometimes and when you do remind yourself that the hurt is better than living a life full of regrets.
i dont mean to preach i just think that its time for me to mature, to grow up, i know who i am and what i want, and no one can change that or deny me my goal. i can do all things because i am spiritual . . . no . . . because i am Taylor Watkins its who i am and its what i will always be and i am happy just being me.
Whatever you are from nature, keep to it; never desert your own line of talent...
Be what Nature intended you for, and you will succeed; be anything else, and you will be ten thousand times worse than nothing.
-sydney smith-
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when worrying can add a single moment to your life then by all means - worry. until then leave such mindless speculation to mindless people. As for life after school, it is less than spectacular because it is simply unfulfilled reality. Your life now is meaningful - intense; frustrating, beautiful; exhausting; but it is life. It is the realization that God places the stars in the night sky to show you beauty; it is the sunrise in perfect color balance that we can claim no effort in creating but can marvel nonetheless. You cannot suck the marrow out of the future, but you can Carpe Diem today - do it! and leave tomorrow for today when it comes. Dream big; live real - life has so much more meaning. Know you are loved for exactly who you are.
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