if only there were words. i only i could speak with clarity about what it is that i feel inside myself. if only i understood. there is a mysterious quality of my mind that is moving throughout my head with such force that it has twisted my sanity into something sick, a soul bending, search for the true Taylor.
i am weak. i cannot stand to the knee breaking blow that temptation takes. and so i fall. fragile, fearful, fake, i fall. is there some great knowledge that i do not posses in understanding why it is that i am so hung up on the escape. that exit from reality. the brief burst of the bullet as it breaks the bond of the realms of rationalism and eludes the limits of everything that is existential. only to eventually stop it movement towards fantasy and return lifeless to the ground from which it was formed. i hold that very gun in my hand. barrel still smoking from another attempt to violently vindicate what i thought to be the victim. my soul.
yet i remain prisoner to nothing more than my own lack of clarity. i have let the world wear me down. i have subjected myself to self-induced dissatisfaction.
now i must make a choice. i must realize that everything that i wish to escape is everything i have created by placing importance on issues that do not define, dictate, or mean anything. by removing the focus i remove the need for escape. i holster my weapon, if you will, stop the shooting. stop slinging bullets. in hope that the fire fight has not left me limp and unable to i live life lacking the lust for the ability to relive.
“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.” J. Donald Walters
i am weak. i cannot stand to the knee breaking blow that temptation takes. and so i fall. fragile, fearful, fake, i fall. is there some great knowledge that i do not posses in understanding why it is that i am so hung up on the escape. that exit from reality. the brief burst of the bullet as it breaks the bond of the realms of rationalism and eludes the limits of everything that is existential. only to eventually stop it movement towards fantasy and return lifeless to the ground from which it was formed. i hold that very gun in my hand. barrel still smoking from another attempt to violently vindicate what i thought to be the victim. my soul.
yet i remain prisoner to nothing more than my own lack of clarity. i have let the world wear me down. i have subjected myself to self-induced dissatisfaction.
now i must make a choice. i must realize that everything that i wish to escape is everything i have created by placing importance on issues that do not define, dictate, or mean anything. by removing the focus i remove the need for escape. i holster my weapon, if you will, stop the shooting. stop slinging bullets. in hope that the fire fight has not left me limp and unable to i live life lacking the lust for the ability to relive.
“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.” J. Donald Walters
